There is a game on the computer I like to play. If you have Windows Vista, you may have it on your computer as well. Mahjong Titans is a solitaire game in which you pair up layered tiles. Sometimes there are is only one option or pair available. Sometimes you have to choose between three of the same tile: which two should you pair up, thus leaving one behind? If you make the wrong choice, you may be left unable to complete all the pairs. To a lesser degree, if you make the wrong choice you could end up with less points in the end. And thus I have come to wonder: will the sum of my choices enable me to complete my life a "winner"? Will the manner in which I have chosen to layer my choices lead me with more or less "points" in the end?
Of course when playing Mahjong Titans, if you reach the end and you are unable to complete the matches because of previous poor choices, it gives you the option to hit the "undo" button as many times as you would like. With each click of the "undo" button, your choice is undone and you get to make a new one, thus leading the game to a different conclusion. I think back on my life thus far and wonder when I would've been better off if I could hit the "undo" button and make a different choice. When should have I made a different choice for my children, my husband; our future? Would my choices really have been so different that my life now would not look the same? What if we had kept that car instead of sold it? What if we had not moved and just stayed put? What if I had kept my mouth closed that one time? What if...what if...what if...
It is so much easier to look back and think of how things could have been, than to look to the future with the resolve to make things better. The truth is, we make millions of decisions every single day that affect tomorrow. Even if I had an "undo" button, where would I start? How would I know which choices to "undo"? Would the going back to "undo" ever end?
I am very satisfied and happy with my life. It is more wonderful and joyous than I could have ever imagined. Heavenly Father has blessed me with a husband that is perfect for me. He has blessed me with children that are amazing and given me more love for them than I could have thought possible. He has given me a solid roof over my head and things that make my life more enjoyable and easy and fun, just because He loves His children and wants us to be happy. And, of course, life being life...it is more worrisome, painful, difficult and maddening than I could have ever thought possible. Life, too often, if just plain HARD!
I have come to the conclusion that I am glad there is no "undo" button. My choices are made. I don't have to wonder about them endlessly because, hey, there is nothing I can do about them now! I have all the freedom in the world to make new and different choices from here on out if that is what I think is right. Life is making decisions. Our decisions define who we are and what we will become. How nice of Heavenly Father to give us a fresh new day every 24 hours; a fresh new start at becoming who we want to be and making our lives what we want of them! We hold all the power...even without an omnipotent "undo" button!
"Life's journey is not traveled on a freeway devoid of
obstacles, pitfalls, and snares. Rather, it is a pathway marked by forks and
turnings. Decisions are constantly before us. To make them wisely, courage is
needed: the courage to say, 'No,' the courage to say, 'Yes.' Decisions do
"The call for courage comes constantly to each of us. It
has ever been so, and so shall it ever be."-President Thomas S. Monson, May 2004