Friday, September 4, 2009

Yes, I really worry about that!

Being a mom rocks and is totally awesome...except when it isn't. I love my cute kiddos. I love watching them learn and grow and interact and make choices. I love hearing the things they say and watching the way they react to things. Being a mom is what I have always hoped and aspired to be from my first memories as a little 2 1/2 year old in Wyoming. Motherhood is more full of joy and happiness and fun than I thought it would be. It has also presented some obstacles and troubles I had not anticipated in my pre-mom years. One of the most irritating is WORRY.

I think every year and every passing day brings a new, sometimes more ridiculous, level of worry into my mother brain. Everyone worries about their child's health, their happiness, and their safety. Some of us, however, are gifted in taking those worries to the extreme.

A few nights ago, I couldn't fall back to sleep after nursing the baby in the middle of the night. Brighton was next to me, sound asleep. Dave was next to him, sound asleep. I got up, got a drink of water and noted that everyone else in the house was 1, still breathing and 2, sound asleep. I went back to bed and tossed and turned for hours. I probably could've gone right to sleep if I had been able to do it before my brain started on it's worry-path. One little worry thought about children's safety led to this huge and gigantic train of thought leading me to plan out how I would take down a night intruder and permanently mame them...I actually came up with several different plans. It's good to have plans, right? I finally worked myself up to the point where I was SURE there must be an intruder in the house (even though I had not heard any break-in and our barky dog was sound asleep, not worried in the least) and eventually drifted off to sleep with my glasses still on, just in case. This is not my favorite way to fall an uncomfortable position (due to the glasses) and awaiting an emergency at any moment.

I know it's silly. I know we live in a "safe" area and have taken precautions to keep our house even safer. I know that, ultimately, it is not in my control. Maybe that is why it haunts me so much. I can't really control our safety. I can take necessary steps to keep us safe, but, ultimately I have no control. One of the main things I need to learn in this life, I think, is faith. I do have faith in Heavenly Father that He knows me, knows my children and loves us and cares about us. I have faith that we are in His hands. I have faith that He is watching over us. It's something I need to keep building and practicing and need to remind myself of at 3am!